The Care and Maintenance of Marriage Pt. 4-Time For Action
It’s time for the final step in the care and maintenance of our marriages.
Let me just take a moment and tell you that I’m going to meddle with your life. Yep, as they say in Texas, its time for some “meddlin’.”
Do you feel blessed to have your relationship with your husband? Are you thankful he’s yours? Are you content with the man God has given you?
Or, do you feel like your husband is lucky to have you?
Do you look longingly at other women’s husbands? Do you thumb through magazines, cataloging in your mind the wonderful qualities those men have that your husband just doesn’t possess. Do you daydream of a different life, different circumstances…different husband?
If this characterizes your thought process, I have two words for you…
The married Christian life isn’t about longing for something different. It isn’t about living in the world of “if only,” or “what if?” No, it’s all about loving what you have and making your marriage the best that it can be.
What did you do to captivate your husband when he was simply that cute guy that caught your eye? Did you style your hair in a way he liked? Did you dress to catch his gaze? Did you speak sweet and uplifting words of encouragement?
Do you do those things today?
Sometimes, I think we wish this came through the door every evening after work.
But truthfully, if that’s what we greeted at the door, what they met might look like this.
If something were to happen to your husband and you found yourself alone, what would you change about your appearance and personality? Would you dress a little nicer, or style your hair each morning, or tame your tongue and choose sweet words instead of cutting comebacks? If there are things you would change should you be widowed, may I offer you some words of advice?
Do Them Now!
Whatever it is that you would change about yourself, make those changes now! The man that you wake up to each morning is the man that through your marriage vows is God’s choice for you. Give him your best! Don’t wait to make changes for that nebulous “someday,” or that even more nebulous “someone.”
Spend time in the Word of God. Ask Him to help you to become exactly the wife that your husband needs. Don't worry about what your husband is or isn't doing. That's God's responsibility. Focus on how your words, actions, and yes, even appearance can bless your husband and follow God's leading in obedience.
I promise you, the efforts you make to captivate your husband will not be in vain. He will notice and appreciate your desire to win him over lovingly. It may not happen immediately, but I believe you’ll see positive and Christ-honoring changes in your marriage as you consciously seek to please and delight your husband.
Here’s a second question. What are the things that you find yourself encouraging…reminding…um…nagging your husband to get done? What if it was your mother, or your children, or your best friend? Would you go ahead and get whatever “it” is completed? If you would do it for them…why not for him?
From the time we were first married, I made it a point to do whatever I could to make it possible for Steve to relax and enjoy our family when he was home. That meant taking care of some things that I didn’t necessarily want to deal with at the time. I had the benefit, (yes, I said benefit) of being a military wife to begin our marriage. When your husband is in Spain, or the Azores, or Iceland for 9 months, there’s no way you can wait for him to fill all those “man” jobs. I quickly learned to do things on my own and in the process I gained self-confidence and maturity.
Really, who defines which jobs belong to which spouse? Marriage isn’t about a 50/50 responsibility split and if a job needs to get done; go ahead and do it! Your husband will be blessed and you’ll free up time for that “marriage enrichment” you look forward to so eagerly.
Do away with 50/50 thinking. I’m 100% blessed to be married to Steve Scheibner and he knows that I feel that way. I know that he feels 100% blessed to be married to me and that’s an awesome fact to embrace!
Marriage is work. Marriage takes commitment. Marriage demands sacrifice. But a marriage focused on God and cared for carefully is one of God’s greatest gifts to His children.
It’s up to you. Will you do whatever it takes to care for and maintain your marriage? Only you can make that decision. I'm praying for your decision-making process.